Real Moms Are Not Perfect

"When did they stop putting toys in cereal boxes?

When I was little, I remember wandering the cereal aisle ... and picking my breakfast cereal based on what the reward was... I could suffer through raisin bran for a month if it meant I got the magic ring at the end.

I cannot admit this out loud. In the first place, we are all expected to be supermoms these days, instead of admitting that we have flaws. It is tempting to believe that all mothers wake up feeling fresh every morning, never raise their voices, only work with organic food, and are equally at ease with the CEO and the PTA.

Here's a secret: Those mothers don't exist. Most of us - even if we'd never confess - are suffering through raisin bran in the hopes of a glimpse of that magic ring.

I look very good on paper... In real life I have to pick superglue out of the carpet, rarely remember to defrost dinner, and plan to have 'because I said so' engraved on my tombstone.

Real mothers wonder why experts who write for Parents and Good Housekeeping... seem to have their acts together all the time when they themselves can barely keep their heads above the stormy seas of parenthood.

Real mothers don't listen with humble embarrassment to the elderly lady who offers unsolicited advice in the checkout line when a child is throwing a tantrum. We take the child, dump him in the lady's cart and say 'Great. Maybe you can do a better job.'

Real mothers know that its okay to eat cold pizza for breakfast.

Real mothers admit it is easier to fail at this job than to succeed.

If parenting is a box of raisin bran, then real mothers know the ratio of flakes to fun is severely unbalanced. For every moment that your child confides in you, or tells you he loves you, or does something unprompted to protect his brother that you happen to witness, there are many more moments of chaos, error and self-doubt.

Real mothers do not speak the heresy, but they sometimes secretly wish they'd chosen something for breakfast other than this endless cereal.

Real mothers worry that other mothers will find the magic ring, whereas they'll be looking and looking for ages.

Rest easy, real mothers. The very fact that you worry about being a good mom means that you already are one."

Excerpt taken from Jodi Picoult's new book "House Rules"

The Culprit

On Thursday, I was a real mom. Definitely not a perfect mom or even a great mom. After a difficult day of Alex sulking and kicking in his heels and refusing to walk ...refusing to eat lunch...being told he hates my rules...leaving my beloved Mnemba cap in the Sun City shuttle...and just being all about me, me, me and I want, I want, I want, I was mentally, physically and emotionally exhausted. 

Then came dinner at the local restaurant... Given a choice between ribs and pizza, Robbie ordered pizza and Alex ordered ribs. They then went and played some arcade games but when they came back begging for more money, the answer was no. Alex was seriously unimpressed. And then, when their food arrived, Robbie had a case of serious order envy and refused to eat his pizza declaring he wanted ribs. All attempts to get Alex to share fell in vain on stubborn ears. Finally, after holding my head in my hands on the table while I held back tears, I succumbed and ordered Robbie ribs. While waiting for them, after initially refusing to share, Alex declared that he was full - after just 2 ribs!!

Robbie then had a monumental tantrum when his ribs finally arrived because they have been plated on a plate that is smaller than Alex's. After pleading with the waitress to please change the plate and then literally placing his plate on top of Alex's to prove they are indeed the same size, he started to complain that Alex got onion rings and he didn't. Thankfully, I quickly nipped this particular delusion in the bud.

At last, ready to leave I reached for my bag to pay the bill, only to find that it was GONE! I was in a total tizz thinking of all the items that were now missing and wondering how I was going to get all the admin of a stolen handbag and purse - not to mention the loss of the R1000 I just drew - done at Sun City. The waitress and her manager were also in complete state.

From across the pool I noticed Alex sauntering back with my bag over his shoulder! He had taken it to get more money to play the arcade games! I gave him a few choice words, a f*cking good hiding and then promptly burst into tears right then and there in the restaurant.

Alex quickly followed suit, and then Robbie. After I apologised to the staff I tried to regain my composure and paid the bill. We walked back to our unit in silence - a boy holding each hand until... "Mom, do you know why I am sad?" Alex said. "Why, Boy?" "I am sad with myself for making you cry." Bless him.

However, I am constantly amazed by how short-lived their remorse and fledgling signs of empathy are. Soon they were back to sulking, fighting with each other, tantrums and turmoil. And I was back on my hamster wheel, searching endlessly for that magic ring.